Sucks to Be Me Page 2

More than anything, she wanted a way out before the option was taken from her.

  So she started listening. Taking notes. Collecting evidence. Anything she could safely do to get dirt on Joe and the whole crew. For future use.

  But when was that future going to be the present? She asked herself that so many times it became a mantra that played on repeat like a soundtrack to everything she did.

  Then the answer to that question finally arrived three months ago, and she knew the time to get out was coming.

  The priest was saying his final words. Rosanella Gambisto was at a right angle from Donna, standing with her husband, Bobbie the Bull. Rosie had tried very hard to become Donna’s BFF, but Donna had kept her at arm’s length. Bobbie was the Villachis’ cleaner. A hit man.

  Donna didn’t need a close connection to someone like that. Too bad, because Rosie seemed genuine, whereas these other women would probably stab her in the back for a new Gucci clutch if the opportunity presented itself.

  Mafia wives were an interesting lot. They liked to say they were tough cookies. And they were. They had to be. This life had a way of chewing a person up if they didn’t grow a thick skin. Donna had seen it happen. Wives who couldn’t handle the family situation got divorced out of it, then they lost custody of their kids, and sometimes they disappeared.

  It was like something out of a movie. Except it was real life. Her life.

  Rosie looked over at her, her smile not reaching her eyes. Donna offered the same kind of smile right back. Appearances had to be kept up. At least for a little while longer.

  No matter how much she’d wanted to be rid of Joe, this was still a sad day. Her kids had lost their father, after all. She’d lost a man she had truly loved once upon a time.

  She had loved him, hadn’t she? She must have. She wouldn’t have married him otherwise.

  As people paid their last respects, offering her their condolences, she went a little numb to it all. She still had to deal with people at the house. She didn’t want that, but there was nothing she could do about it.

  That’s just how things were done.

  Thankfully, her sister, Sister Mary Lazarus Immaculata, aka Camille, would be there to help keep people in order. The effect of the presence of a nun on a predominately Catholic crowd was astonishing.

  Cammie, as Donna always called her sister regardless of the name she’d chosen when she’d joined the convent, knew all about Joe and the Villachis too. It was why she hadn’t come to the funeral, opting instead to stay at the house and get things ready for the crowd that would be pouring in.

  Cammie had never liked Joe. Not since day one. But she was older and wiser, and Donna had been young and dumb and swept off her feet by Joe’s kind words and sweet, generous gestures that had made her feel like a princess.

  She’d never imagined he’d turn into a cold, calculating man who carried a gun and broke the law for a living. She suspected he’d even had a couple girlfriends too. That was pretty common among these men. She’d never been able to prove it. And she’d tried, mostly because that was the kind of thing that would really help in a divorce but following a member of the family was a good way to get into deep trouble.

  She hadn’t been ready to go that far. Not yet. Although she’d been getting close. And Rico had promised her protection.

  Didn’t matter now. Not with Joe being lowered six feet into Jersey soil.

  She and the kids dropped white roses on the casket, then made their way to the car. It took forever. So many people wanted to offer their condolences.

  Finally they were in the car, and the driver took them back to the house. It sat back from the road on an estate lot, giving them a little more privacy and a much longer driveway. Cars were already lined up along the length of the horseshoe drive.

  She sighed at the sight of so many vehicles.

  “It’ll be over soon, Mom,” Joe Jr. said.

  She nodded. “I wish it was over now.”

  “Me too,” Christina added. “These people are all so phony.”

  She put her hand on her daughter’s leg and shot her a look. They didn’t know the driver, didn’t know his loyalties, and Donna always erred on the side of caution. The Villachi family had eyes and ears everywhere. “Honey, that’s just your grief talking. These people all loved your father very much.”

  Christina seemed to get her mother’s drift and looked out the window instead of saying anything else.

  That small gesture, the need to silence her daughter for her own good, refueled Donna’s hatred for this life. It was a suffocating way to live.

  But not for much longer.

  They headed inside, and while the kids went into the living room where people were already gathered, Donna veered into the kitchen.

  Cammie was there in her black and white habit, directing the catering service and handling everything like a pro. But then, who was going to back-talk a nun?

  Donna smiled. “Hi, Sis.”

  “Hi, Sis,” Cammie said back. She opened her arms and welcomed Donna in. “How was it?”

  “It was…a nice ceremony. And it’s thankfully over.” Donna closed her eyes for the briefest of moments and leaned into her sister before pulling out of the hug. “How are things here?”

  “Fine.” Cammie slanted her eyes toward the front of the house. “There’s quite a crowd out there already.”

  Donna nodded. “The cars are on both sides of the driveway. I’m glad I hired a valet service.” It was what everyone did for big gatherings. Then she leaned in. “But I really don’t want them here past five.”

  “I don’t think Lucky does either. Poor cat. Pretty sure he’s hiding upstairs in Christina’s room.” Cammie smiled. “But you leave that to me.”

  “Poor Lucky. I’m sure the noise is freaking him out. Although I’d like to be up there hiding with him. Thank you so much for being here today. I know you don’t want to be.”

  Cammie put her hands lightly on her sister’s cheeks. “Belladonna, I love you. I would do anything for you.”

  “I know. I feel the same about you.”

  Cammie let her go. “Now, you should do some mingling and let people tell you their favorite Joe stories so they can feel like they did their part.”

  “I will. But not without a—”

  Cammie handed her a glass of merlot.

  Donna smiled. “You’re going to make saint in no time.”

  Chapter Two

  Donna did what she had to do. Mingled, drank a measured amount of wine (too much, and she worried the things she really wanted to say would slip out), and made copious mental notes about all the things she wanted to discuss with her therapist, Dr. Ursula Goldberg, at their next session.

  Yes, being a Mafia wife had driven her to therapy. Part of it was because of the doctor-patient confidentiality. She needed someone she could unburden herself to, and La Goldberg had become that person. Plus, there was something balancing about spending her husband’s ill-gotten gains to tell someone else about what a terrible person he was.

  Rosie walked up to her with the same sympathetic smile that she’d been getting from everyone today. “How are you doing?”

  Same question everyone was asking too. Donna made herself smile, but not too much. “I’m hanging in there.” She’d said that more times than she could count in the last two hours.

  “You need anything, you just call me or Bobbie. Anytime, night or day. We’re here for you.”

  “Thanks, Rosie.” Donna appreciated Rosie’s desire to be friends, but Donna just couldn’t get past her husband. Bobbie the Bull made Joe look like a choirboy. “I should check in with the caterers in the kitchen. Thanks for coming.”

  “Of course.” Rosie flashed a familiar compassionate smile.

  She was halfway to the kitchen when Vinnie Positano blocked her path. He was one of Big Tony’s lunks. Nice enough guy, but not enough brain cells to be much more than hired muscle, that was for sure.

  “Mrs. Barrone, my sympathies. Joseph was
a good man.” He shrugged, spreading his hands. He spoke with his whole body. Like a marionette dancing on strings.

  “Thank you, Vinnie.”

  “Yeah, so, uh, Big Tony would like to see you.”

  Donna looked around. “I’m right here. Where is he?”

  Vinnie jerked his thumb over his shoulder. The movement sent a ripple of motion down his body. “In Joe’s office.”

  She stiffened. That was Joe’s private space. Her space now. Big Tony had no right to be in there, but of course he didn’t think that way. “Oh?”

  “Yeah, he’d like to talk to you in private like.”

  “I see.” She had no desire to talk to Big Tony anywhere, but especially not alone. She considered asking Vinnie what this was about, but the chances of him knowing were slim. No doubt this had something to do with Joe’s death. What else could it be? She nodded, doing her best to hide her reluctance. “Okay.”

  Vinnie gestured for her to go ahead of him. Like this wasn’t her house and she didn’t already have the right-of-way. She plastered an appropriate grieving-widow expression on her face and walked back to Joe’s office. Her heels clicked on the inlaid marble floors.

  She found Big Tony sitting behind Joe’s desk with one of Joe’s Cuban cigars tucked in the corner of his mouth. The nerve. He smiled at her and put the cigar in the ashtray. “Belladonna. I am so sorry for your loss. For all of our loss. Joe was a good man. A strong soldier. A trusted friend and brother-in-law. He will be deeply missed.”

  She nodded and swallowed, words escaping her in the moment. Appropriate words, anyway. Two more of his lunks flanked him, Nick and Franco. She wasn’t sure why they were necessary, but it sure made things seem very official.

  A cold trickle went down her spine. Nothing about this felt good.

  He pointed to the seat on the other side of the desk. “Please. Sit. We have things to discuss.”

  She sat. “We do?”

  He nodded, his thick, sausage fingers steepled under his chin. “What are your plans?”

  She hadn’t expected that question, not so soon. But she was prepared for it. She liked to think she was prepared for anything. That was how she survived. She shook her head and stared at her lap like she was trying not to cry. “Joe was my world.”

  She heard Big Tony snap his fingers. A few seconds later, a box of tissues appeared under her nose. She took one, to be polite, then dabbed at her eyes before glancing up. “Right now, I’m just going to concentrate on getting through this very difficult time.”

  The great concern on his face was proof he was as good an actor as she was. “I understand.”

  “I might go away for a while. With Christina in college and Joe Jr. in the Air Force, there’s no one here for me to take care of anymore. A little trip, maybe.” She paused like that was a brand-new idea. “A little trip might do me good.” A little trip she’d never come back from.

  He held up one hand. “That’s a wonderful idea. Maybe back to the old country? You could take some of the girls with you.”

  Not a chance in hell was she going anywhere with those women. She sniffed and nodded, adding a small smile for effect. “That would be nice.”

  He picked up the cigar and used it to punctuate his next sentence. “But here’s the thing.”

  She just barely hung on to her smile.

  “Joe left some unfinished business.”

  “He did?” That was news to her. She’d been trying to keep tabs on Joe’s comings and goings so she could tell Rico what was happening.

  Big Tony pursed his lips. “He did.”

  She shrugged. “I wouldn’t know anything about that. I never asked about his work, and frankly, he never shared any of it with me.”

  “Good.” Big Tony nodded. “A wife that knows the importance of her husband’s privacy, that’s commendable. But you don’t need to know details to do what I need you to do.”

  “You need me to do something?”

  “I do.” His pinkie ring flashed in the light of the desk lamp. It was a two-carat diamond in the mouth of a lion.

  She couldn’t say no. Well, she could, but that wouldn’t be the healthiest thing to do. “I probably need to know a few details if I’m going to do whatever it is you need me to do.”

  Big Tony was stone-faced for a moment, then he grinned and let out a big honk of a laugh. “Yeah, I guess you do.”

  The lunks laughed, too, right on cue. It was like being on the worst reality show ever. Which was saying a lot, considering how bad most reality shows were.

  Big Tony tucked the cigar back into his mouth, then flattened his hands on the desk. “You’re a beautiful woman, Belladonna. I understand that you will eventually want to remarry and—”

  That was never going to happen again. Her face responded before she could stop it.

  But Big Tony just nodded, reading it differently. “I know the idea seems impossible right now, even unsavory, but beautiful women don’t stay single long. Do this job for me, and your future is your own. Do you understand what I’m saying?”

  He was offering her a way out. A clean break. That was what he was saying, wasn’t it? Hope unlike anything she’d felt before spilled through her. She nodded. “This would be a kindness between us,” she said. “A way of…saying goodbye.”

  His nod was slow and methodical. “A kindness. I like that. And that’s exactly what this would be. Unless you marry back into the family. Capisce?”

  “Capisce.” That would not be happening, ever. “When do you need me to do this job?”

  “Tomorrow night.” He chomped down on the cigar. “Will that work for your schedule?”

  He was so considerate. “Sure. The kids are both leaving in the morning because of school and duty, so that’s fine.”

  “Perfect. One of the boys will drop off a package by noon, along with the place and time to deliver it. That’s all.” He got up from the desk chair, making it creak as the hydraulics relaxed. There was a reason they called him Big Tony.

  A package to deliver. That didn’t sound so bad. Especially if she didn’t think about what might be in it. Regardless, running this errand would be a small price to pay for freedom. She rose to leave. “Okay.”

  He came around the desk and took her hands, holding them both together in his giant mitts. “Words aren’t enough to express how much we all feel Joe’s loss. Know that you are always family to us. If you need anything, you have only to ask.”

  He was so full of it she was surprised flies weren’t buzzing over his head. “That’s so kind of you. Thank you for all you’ve done for us.”

  “God bless.” He gestured at Vinnie, who’d stayed by the door.

  Vinnie opened the door, and Big Tony left, then Nick and Franco followed. She stood there for a moment, contemplating what had happened. But only for a moment. She had a house full of people, and she could contemplate later.

  She walked out of the office and straight into Lucinda.

  Her sneer smelled like garlic and Chianti. “I know you were in there with my husband.”

  She had to be kidding.

  Donna tried to tamp down her irritation. She just had to maintain this façade a little longer. “Yes, I was. And with Vinnie too. And Nick and Franco. Tony was offering his condolences and letting me know how much you are all here for me if I need something.”

  Lucinda’s eyes narrowed, accentuating her already impressive crow’s-feet. “You think you’re going to make a play for him, you got another think coming. I will cut you. Do you understand?”

  She was a real barrel of monkeys. The rabid kind that flung poop at people. “Lucinda, I would never disrespect you like that. And I promise you, I have no designs on any man, but especially not my brother-in-law. And for the love of Saint Francis, Joe’s not even cold. Why don’t you let me mourn him in peace before making accusations like that? Or if you want, we can go get Big Tony, and you can ask him what we were talking about. If you don’t believe me.”

  Donna was complete
ly fed up. She’d definitely let some of that irritation slip into her tone, but the threat of getting Big Tony involved was all it took to get Lucinda to back up. If there was one person she was afraid of, it was her husband.

  Lucinda lifted her chin. Donna took some satisfaction in spotting one long black hair jutting out from underneath it. “Just know I’m watching you.”

  “Keep a book handy, because you’re going to get very bored, very fast.” Donna turned and walked away before she said anything more. To think that Lucinda would confront her like that at her husband’s funeral in her house…the woman was made of nerves and brass.

  Donna made it through another hour or so of small talk and rambling condolences, then hit a wall. She couldn’t take another moment of pretending to care about these people or appearances or acting appropriately.

  She wanted to drink wine with her sister and her children, then fall into bed and worry about tomorrow…tomorrow.

  Cammie appeared at her elbow. “You have that look.”

  “What look?” Donna asked.

  “Like you’re about to tell everyone to go copulate themselves.”

  Donna snorted. Her sister had such an interesting way with words since becoming a nun. “The thought crossed my mind.”

  “Go upstairs and chill. Use the back steps so no one sees you. I’ll get rid of everyone.”

  Donna gave Cammie an incredulous look.

  “Trust me.”

  “I do. But there’s a little bit of holy fear thrown in.”

  “Probably smart.” Cammie grinned, then pointed toward the back steps. “Go.”

  “Going.” With that, Donna went through the kitchen, pulling her shoes off as she went, and straight up to her bedroom.

  She walked through the double doors and stood there looking around. Joe’s aftershave lingered. There was so much of him in this room. In this house. She tossed the shoes toward her closet to deal with later.

  She had to sell the house. There was no part of her that wanted to live with all these memories. Too many of them weren’t good.

  “Mom?”

  At her daughter’s voice, she turned. Christina and Joe Jr. stood in the doorway. Christina had Lucky in her arms. “Hey, guys.”